Home » science » Weird Science Day 15: How to Predict Your Death

Weird Science Day 15: How to Predict Your Death

Gattaca is coming true. Remember Gattaca? Guy can’t get a job because some personal genetic failure has him dying in his 30s. Okay, he can get a job, but not THE job, the job of astronaut. He won’t take no for an answer so he borrows some DNA from his roommate, Mr. Perfect Genetic Profile. Ends up making it to the stars. Remember that? One of the better science fiction movies because not only does it make you think, but Jude Law is in it.

Maybe Gattaca’s storyline is a little far-fetched (they find a single hair and it just happens to be our hero’s? C’mon what are the odds?) but apparently our genes do hold the secret of how long we will live. And we have ways of making them talk. The secret’s in the telomeres, the bits at the far ends of the chromosomes. Each strand of DNA in a cell is given just so much telomere length. Each time the cell divides, the telomere doesn’t replicate and so is shortened. Once the length is too short, you die. Well, I suppose it’s the cell that no longer replicates. Given enough senescent cells, you die. Or something.

Most importantly for the purposes of this blog post, telomeres.net says this: “Research has shown that people over 60 that have long telomeres experience greater heart and immune system health than 60 year olds with shorter telomeres. This shows that long telomeres support health.”

So: long telomeres good, short telomeres baaaad juju.

Now that home genetics test kits are available and you can get your genome sequenced for a buck-three-eighty, companies are popping up to tell you your future by looking at your genes.  Some of them will even tell you when you’re going to die.

Life Length is just such a company. They measure your telomeres and give you a best guess on longevity. They suggest you get your telomeres measured annually because their best guess can change depending on what all you’re into.

Apparently short telomeres are not necessarily unfixable. They can be extended via an enzyme called “telomerase,” which works to re-elongate telomeres and give an aging cell a new lease on life. Normal cells do not produce telomerase because the enzyme also promotes wild cancerous growth. You really don’t want a lot of it hanging about. However, in cells that have been subjected to the effects of trauma, cigarette smoke, or other agents of change in a negative direction, a little telomerase can go a long way.

The point is, measuring your telomeres at a single point in time is not going to give you a full picture. When you’re young and burning the candle at both ends, your telomeres are relatively long, but a wild life style: booze, women, no sleep, can somehow shorten them. But if you change your evil ways, you might be all right. Your telomeres may stay healthy or perhaps  elongate back to where they’re supposed to be.

When you’re older and already starting to feel the effects of your misspent youth, you might start a rigorous health program complete with tasteless vegetarian food, low-impact aerobics, and trips to the mountain to clear your head. Although your telomeres by now are, no doubt, in a sad state, you might just get a little telomerase action and things will look up.

So one test of telomerase length (at reportedly 500 euros a pop) is not enough. Got to do it annually or more often if you’re experimenting with your lifestyle again (Twizzlers for dinner, anyone?)

Why on earth would anyone want this information you ask? Oh, you cynic. Always the bubble burster. Life Length has an answer for you.

“First, it is an excellent indicator of overall general health. Second, by knowing our biological age, it permits us to obtain a better understanding of the life-style habits that impact aging and affords us the opportunity to make appropriate changes. Third, as physicians and the medical community become more comfortable with Life Length’s telomere measuring, it will allow for more personalized medicine as doctors treat patients increasingly taking into consideration their biological age.”

So there you have it, predicting your death. Do you want to know, or do you prefer death to come to you like a thief in the night? I’m not fond thieves in the night, unless they’ve got a pack of Twizzlers to share, of course, but I think I might prefer a surprise on this one.

Hey, thanks for reading 31 Days of Weird Science.  If you’ve got any leads on weird science, let me know about it. I’ll check ‘em out.

Sue Lange

Sue Lange’s latest ebook, Tritcheon Hash, is full of lapses of logic and weird science. “It’s a wild, good read.” Get your copy from Amazon or read a couple of free chapters at the publisher’s website.

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2 thoughts on “Weird Science Day 15: How to Predict Your Death

  1. Then there’s the option where you’re walking along a yellow coloured path and someone drops a house on you, and all that money you spent every year getting your telomeres checked could’a been better spent on wine, women, and song, sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll.

    We live in a culture that’s so obsessed with death and youth that this could be a huge money-making enterprise.

  2. Oh boy, oh boy, you said it. It’ll be a big money maker for somebody and I’ll be right there along with them laughing at everybody. Quantity does not necessarily = quality. ‘Course a few extra golden years might not be a bad thing.

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