Manifesto

D’ya ever wonder why  modern bloggers have to specialize on some topic but Andy Rooney could rant on any subject he took a fancy to? Why is that? And are we better off staying focused on whatever we thought we were all about when we first set up the “About Me?”

I don’t know, but I feel like this whole numbers thing—this chasing after stats and ranking and readership—is just another way for The Man to keep us down. I’m not a one-dimensional person. I like lots of things.

Readership be damned, I’m taking this opportunity to declare my independence of all Internet Best Practices. From here on out I’m going to generalize. My blog will no longer have a purpose, a focus, or primary topic. I’m going to write about anything I happen to trip over. The wider world is begging to be satirized and I’m just the man for the job.

I started this thing to explore the Technological Singularity but I’ve long since left that behind. The Singularity’s a cool topic, but I’ve milked it for what it’s worth. There are better Singularity reporters out there if you need to watch the progress. The cheerleaders, the cynics, they’re all on top of the story. Me? I’m just passing through on my way to the next thing, whether it’s cyberhood or a cardboard hovel under the 59th Street Bridge. I view the Singularity the same way I view the Second Coming: when and if it happens, I’ll wring my hands at my shortsightedness, but until then, I’d like to think about other things. Like shoes and ships perhaps. And, and sealing wax! Cabbages, of course, can’t forget cabbages. Someday I may even contemplate kings.

With such atheistic blurriness, I’ll probably never get a readership. According to the rules of Internet marketing, you must stay focused. Otherwise you will not be loved. Ah well, won’t be the first time I’ve heard a hollow echo when tapping on the mic and asking “hello, hello, anybody out there?” That’s okay. There’s a lot to be said for solitude.

So I’ll survive.

Here’s another thing. I’m done with branding myself. What am I, a heifer? From here on out I declare myself free of all marketing impulse. What you see is what you get. I’ll write about my books and stories from time to time, but I’ll be honest, I find self-promotion an egregious breaking of the first rule of outstanding existence: don’t be boring. People whose only topic of conversation is their output are the ultimate in tedious. Yes, I know all us writers are supposed to bring up our books in every conversation at every cocktail party from Memphis to LA, but really, life’s too short to muck around in that amount of bullshit. I became a writer in the first place to lampoon our crass commercial culture. Now I’m on board with it? I don’t think so.

So bear with me as I march down a purposeless path. Don’t be scared. Andy Rooney’s already blazed a trail. And he wound up with a top spot at CBS. God, what I couldn’t do with that kind of visibility. Imagine his Klout score. I’d kill for that kind of…nevermind.

Sue Lange